When Self-Care Feels Like a Chore

We understand the importance of self-care and create daily, elaborate routines to engage in it. But life loves to throw us curveballs. You’ve been busy, you’ve been stressed, you’ve been travelling, your toddler is sleep-regressing, you have a demanding new boss.

At the end of the day you’re tired and just want to sleep.

That is great. Sleep is deeply restorative. I’m all for it!

What I’m not for is forgetting yourself for long periods of time. Forgetting what your body needs, what your mind needs, or what your soul needs.

I’ve been guilty of neglecting myself when caught up in the maelstrom of life, so I know how this goes.

Something that helps me and might help you too:

Take a Few Days Off, but Not More Than a Week

Some days we are just not up to it. It’s ok. Let it go. If you don’t want to work out this evening, or even wash your face in the night, it’s fine.

But don’t go for an entire week without engaging in what nourishes you, as you could be breaking a (positive) pattern and starting a new (negative) one.  

By taking a day or two off, we embrace the importance of relaxation and giving ourselves space to just be. However, when we neglect essential self-care tasks for weeks on end, we send ourselves the wrong message – that it’s ok to neglect our well-being, and that somehow, we will still be fine.

Define What Self-Care Means to You

Self-care means different things to different people. For it to be the most effective, you need to create a routine that is simple and deeply nourishing for yourself.

Meditation would be my number one way of how I care for myself. It may be a short session or a longer one, I need it most days of the week. When I don’t meditate, I suffer. My productivity drops, my day dreaming increases, and so does my restlessness. I risk sinking into the chaos of my mind; meditation is my way out of my own mess. This is very clear to me.

And yet, there are days I don’t find the time for it, or mornings when I simply can’t bring myself to do it. On such days, I choose to be extra-mindful or may also opt to listen to videos/podcasts on YouTube that help me remain in a focused and positive headspace. They aren’t as effective as meditation, but they stop me from veering too far from my goals.

Set Realistic Expectations

Self-care doesn’t have to be perfect or Instagram-worthy. In fact, that’s absolutely not the point. True care is about showing yourself love and kindness in whatever way feels authentic to you.

This is truly about you. All the myriad ways in which you nourish yourself only have to make sense to you.

Self-care can feel exhausting for the same reason vacations feel that way. 

A holiday can start to feel not-so-relaxing when we try to fit too much into the schedule

• We absolutely must visit that place
• We absolutely must eat at that restaurant
• We also want excellent pictures – unfortunately this can mean extra work, in terms of washing the hair and styling it a certain way, getting the right outfit, getting the right backgrounds, finding the perfect light, etc.

Putting too much pressure on ourselves even for a very good reason is a sure way to burn out. 

Work With Your Natural Energy Levels

Some of us love to bounce around, others are more low-key. Some days we are full of enthusiasm, other times we may feel meh. Respect the natural ebb and flow of your energy, and recognise when you’re feeling overwhelmed or depleted.

By honouring your energy levels and adjusting your self-care practices accordingly, you can create a more sustainable and nourishing self-care routine that supports your physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

Let Go of the Guilt (Find Empathy Instead)

Don’t feel guilty that you’ve been cheating on your diet or not working out. Guilt is an unhealthy emotion. If you want to cultivate a deeply caring attitude towards yourself, replace guilt with empathy. Try to understand the reasons behind why you’re struggling and find solutions from a compassionate place.

Takeaway

For the TL;DR crowd.

If self-care feels like a chore, try the following:

• Give yourself a break, but not a very long one. You don’t want to disrupt positive patterns and open the door for negative ones to set in.
• Be clear about what self-care means to you. Your ways of connecting with and nurturing yourself only have to make sense to you.
• Set realistic expectations around what you can do for self-care on a regular basis
• Respect your energy levels and capitalise on them
• If you’re struggling, try self-compassion towards yourself instead of feeling guilty

Ultimately, self-care is not about checking off a to-do list; it’s about listening to yourself and honouring your needs. Be gentle towards yourself, and remember that self-care is an ongoing practice that evolves and adapts over time. On particularly demanding days, do what you can, when you can, if you can. Something is infinitely better than nothing when it comes to self-care.