Why Self-Compassion is a Critical Component in Your Self-Care Routine

Self-care isn’t what it appears on the outside. It’s not necessarily about the things you do. 

It’s about why you do them and how you do them. 

Research on self-care has found that “the beneficial effects of self-care include improved well-being and lower morbidity, mortality, and healthcare costs.”

But what does self-care truly look like?

If you engage in what is popularly referred to as “self-care rituals” but aren’t doing them out of compassion towards yourself, you’re missing a trick. 

Self-Compassion Could Be the Missing Ingredient

Let me illustrate:

Scenario 1:

You’ve decided to wake up at an early hour and sit on a meditation cushion to begin your day on the right note.

However, you’re not naturally a morning person. But you pride yourself on sticking to your plans so you beat yourself into getting to the cold meditation corner and sitting in silence. You do start meditating but in a hurried state of mind, even a reluctant state of mind. One part of you desperately wants to glance at the clock, wishing this hour were over already, while the other is busy giving the first part stern looks – shut up and focus!

Scenario 2:

You understand that meditation is genuinely good for you. You’ve chosen to spend time meditating because you’re convinced of its benefits and not just because articles everywhere seem to praise it – and also because you impulsively spent $100 on a Headspace subscription.

You understand that resistance is normal. Wanting to rush through it is normal. A thousand other voices are normal. 

One gentle voice rises above the din of niggling voices by the virtue of its compassion, not loudness. “It’s ok,” it says. “You can stay where you are, on this cushion, for the next 30 minutes. Nothing is going away from you. You can do this no matter what. Everything else can wait. Just breathe.”

This voice will also later tell you that if your mornings do not allow for focus, you can look at some other time during the day because the benefits from meditation lie in the practice itself, and not necessarily the time of the day (though that may help as well). 

While in both of the above scenarios, you’re doing the same thing on the outside, your approach towards yourself is vastly different. 

Guess which approach sounds more caring?

Reframe Self-Care as a Caring Attitude Towards Yourself

Self-care is not just buying a cute coffee mug with a cheery slogan on it, it’s making your morning tea with loving attention and looking forward to enjoying it. 

• It’s removing yourself from situations that feel stressful
• It’s choosing not to watch pointless YouTube videos in the night
• It’s choosing to shut your laptop at 8pm and retiring to bed with a book instead. 
• It’s being mindful of how you talk to yourself
• It’s about watching your thoughts because thoughts are powerful
• It’s caring for that little child within you who is frozen in time feeling scared and lonely
• It’s about developing efficient coping mechanisms
• It’s knowing when you’re suffering and giving yourself a break
• It’s treating yourself how you’d treat a child
• It’s about working at your own pace
• It’s about being accountable to yourself
• It’s, above all, about displaying gratitude for your life and the people in it 

“Compassion is the seed without which we cannot have any fruit.”

Gautam Buddha

How Do I Know if I’m Being Self-Compassionate Enough?

Examine the sentiment (not the thought) behind what you consider to be your self-care practices.

Are they:

• Making your heart sing?
• Energising you?
• Nourishing you in some way?
• Healing you?
• Expanding your mind?
• Helping you truly relax?
• Helping you reconnect with yourself?
• Helping you build a positive/grateful outlook towards life?
• Helping you build a better self-image?

Ideally, your self-care practices should be accomplishing at least some of the above. If they are not doing any of the above, you need to ask yourself why that is and what can you change for better results.

Infuse Your Self-Care with Self-Compassion 

Self-care looks different for everybody, and far be it from me to tell you what it should look like for you.

My humble suggestion rather is to transform your self-care practices into an empowering way of life by carrying them out with great love and regard towards yourself. Don’t do things just for the sake of doing them, no matter how self-helpey they sound. What works is the sentiment behind them. 

Are your self-care habits making your heart smile? If not, it may be time to build new ones.