This One Question is Doing Wonders For My Mental Health

I react too much. I stress out easily. I feel emotions with great intensity. I’m also quick-tempered and can be unforgiving. All of which has wreaked havoc on my mental health.

When I’m having a heightened reaction, emotions colour my ability to see. Everything seems worse. And pointless. And there it goes again, a gradual slide into depression. 

To break that chain, I now ask myself this one simple question when I’m consumed by the power of my own emotions:

Is the thing that has me so distressed really that bad, or is it my way of processing it that is leading to the distress?

And just like that, my downward spiral comes to a halt.

What This Does

This question takes the focus away from an external source (event, person, memory, etc.) and brings it to my own self, to the experience I’m having in the moment.

Also, notice I’m not going into fixing mode right away. I’m acknowledging that I’m having a heightened reaction and giving myself the space to process that.

This usually has the effect of calming me down which is a win in itself. The heart rate is lower and the stress has reduced. My body is literally in a much better place because of this alone.

Why This Works

By asking myself this question, I’m not rejecting my experience of the moment. I’m validating everything I may be feeling. And yet, I’m stopping myself from getting carried away by a current of emotions.

Equally important, I’m shifting my focus from reacting to choosing a response. In the process, I might even save myself from doing something stupid only to (definitely) regret it later. 

I’m recognising that there may be a better way to respond. In fact, if something/someone makes you miserable repeatedly, there’s almost certainly a better way to deal with that situation. 

That’s the start. This question breaks the chain of react, suffer, repeat. 

This question breaks the chain of react, suffer, repeat. 

www.hereismymind.com

You can stop here, but if you are inclined to understand why you feel what you do, go digging into it.  

Zero in on Your Feelings

What you feel in the heat of the moment may not necessarily be a reflection of what is really upsetting you. 

Some of us are quick to anger, some of us are quick to cry, and some of us are quick to sink into hopelessness. 

But these are surface emotions. They may appear strong but they are still a symptom. Find out what is causing your reaction by asking yourself a series of questions. 

• Why am I this angry?
• Is this really why I’m angry?
• Could there be something else to it?

When I perform the above exercise I find that I keep returning to the same few underlying emotions every. single. time. 

Being able to recognise these deep-seated emotions, who are running the show unbeknownst to us, is critical to breaking their stranglehold on us and stopping the cycle of self-sabotaging behaviour.  

Look For Better Ways to Respond

You may feel like yelling, storming out of a room, or giving the offender the silent treatment. 

None of the above come across as mature reactions. Now that you are aware of it, and not reacting out of habit anymore, you can choose a better way to respond.

This requires you to get creative. It also requires you to get in touch with your larger goals, so you respond accordingly.

For example, if one of your bigger goals in life is to get healthier and more emotionally resilient, you will not choose a response that takes you away from it. You’ll learn to drop matters because it’s more important for you to keep your heart rate in check than it is to win some argument. You may remain unconvinced but you will choose not to fight.

Your mental health is more important than proving a point or trying to even the score, so to speak. This may require you to take a step back, even let the other person “off the hook”. You aren’t really doing that though; you are merely choosing responses that are simply better for your overall health. The unresolved may take a lifetime to be resolved. In the meantime, look after yourself.

Talk To Yourself in a Sympathetic Tone

If there’s anything you take away from this blog, please let it be this – talking to yourself compassionately makes everything better. 

Say it with me:

Talking to yourself compassionately makes everything better. 

www.hereismymind.com

When you approach an angry, confused, or sad child, you do so with concern and compassion. If you yell at or criticise them they won’t share what’s on their mind and you will never get to the truth. Apply the same approach towards yourself if you want to find out the truth of what you are feeling and why.

Coax that information out and that can only happen when you are truly compassionate and non-judgmental towards yourself. Give yourself a safe space to be able to express, hear, and understand your truth.

Takeaway

This one simple question has led to me choosing better responses than reacting out of habit. And there’s tremendous liberation in that. I’ve discovered that I have the power to withstand an onslaught of emotions. I’ve noticed I’m less reactive, and even when I do get triggered (which I still do quite a lot), I’m able to return to a state of normalcy fairly quickly and there’s less damage left in the wake.

I understand this one question may not solve all my problems, but it’s doing wonders for my mental health, and for that reason, I recommend you try to give it a shot, too.